A boy of about ten was sitting on a city bus with a briefcase on his lap. Periodically the youngster would whisper into his coat. A woman passenger caught his eye with a quizzical look and,in response,the boy produced a small white mouse from his shirt pocket.”He's just a baby.“explained the youngster. ”His parents are in here. “Opening his briefcase,he brought forth a pair of slightly Larger. white mice from among a dozen or so that scurried around inside. By this time several other passengers had formed an audience, and the boy patiently explained his interest in mice,how to take care of them, their eating habits, their different personalities and so on.
As the bus pulled up to his stop,the boy slipped the mice back into his briefcase and rose to leave his rapt audience. Starting down the steps,he turned back for a moment.”They are for my snake. “he said and disappeared out of the door.
Friend for Dinner ”Honey,“ said the husband to his wife, ”I invited a friend home for supper.“ ”What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I haven't been shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal!“ ”I know all that.“ ”Then why did you invite a friend for supper?“ ”Because the poor fool's thinking about getting married.“
Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, ”have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?“
Bill said, ”Yes, I have,“ and he gave them to him.
Then George said, ”Now I haven‘t got a pen.“ Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, ”have you got a stamp, Bill?“ Bill gave him one.
Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, ”Are you going out?“
Bill Said, ”Yes, I am,“ and he opened the door.
George said, ”Please put my letter in the box in the office, and.。.“ He stopped.
”What do you want now?“ Bill said to him.
George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, ”What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?“
An Advertisement for Modern Bicycle Tom saw an advertisement in a newspaper for a beautiful modern bicycle which cost 50, so he went to the shop to have a look. After examining the bicycle carefully, Tom turned to the shopkeeper and said, ”There isn't a lamp on this bicycle, but there was one on the bicycle in your advertisement.“ ”Yes, sir,“ answered the shopkeeper, ”but the lamp isn't included in the price of the bicycle. It's an extra.“ ”Not included in the price of bicycle?“ Tom said angrily, ”But that's not honest. If the lamp's in the advertisement, it should have been included in the price you gave there.“ ”Well, sir,“ answered the shopkeeper calmly, ”there is also a girl on the bicycle in our advertisement, shall we supply one for you too?“
—Waiter,this lobster has only one claw.
-- I'm sorry, must have been in a fight.
-- Well,bring me the winner then.
-- 服務員， 這個龍蝦只有一隻爪。
-- 對不起，先生，這隻肯定打過架了。
-- 哦， 那給我那個打贏的吧。九十歲了。每當要搬東西，抬東西或者裝東西時，他們就叫喊，“讓小的幹吧。”
My husband,Michael,a bus driver,was passing a deserted bus stop when one of his passengers called out that a woman wanted to get on. He pulled up to the curb and opened the doors.
After a minute,Michael saw an elderly woman with a cane crossing the street slowly. He waited patiently as she made her way to the bus and climbed the e she was looking in her purse for her bus pass,he began to close the doors.”Wait a minute!”she snapped.”My mother's coming.”
Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.“What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?”
“I gave it to a poor old woman,” he answered.
“You're a good boy,” said the mother proudly.“Here are two cents why are you so interested in the old woman?”
“She is the one who sells the candy.”
小羅伯特向媽媽要兩分錢。
“昨天給你的錢幹什麼了？”
“我給了一個可憐的老太婆，”他回答説。 “你真是個好孩子，”媽媽驕傲地説。“再給你兩分錢。可你為什麼對那位老太太那麼感興趣呢？”
“她是個賣糖果的。”
For her 82nd birthday，I surprised my grandmother with a birthday greeting signed by the President. （Upon request，this service is available to seniors over 80.）When I asked grandma how she felt receiving a card from the White House，she had a ready answer. “There's no privacy in this country any more,”she said. “They even keep track of your birthday. ”
我奶奶過82歲的生日時，我送給她一份驚奇的禮物—一張由總統簽名的'生日賀卡。（根據規定，80歲以上的老年人可得到此項服務。）當我問奶奶收到來自白宮的賀卡有何感想時，她毫不猶豫地回答説:“在這個國家，再也沒有隱私了，他們就連你的生日都追蹤着。”
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