Welcome to The land of Make Believe. Perhaps I should tell you this fine town. There are a lot of funny-looking people in the Land of Make Believe, some people have long noses, some people have short arms but once upon a time a girl named Cinderella was the funniest.
Scene 1
Cinderella: （Cinderella enters. She has enormous feet. She practices a ballet dance. She is a bad dancer.） I have such enormous feet. I look like a seaplane. I will never be a dancer. I always lose at hopscotch （she tries to hopscotch but falls down）， and I have to buy a sock for every toe （She holds up her socks）。 I hate my feet. （The 2 Stepsisters enter. They are dancing. They are good dancers）from
Stepsister 1: HA HA… It’s
Stepsister 1&2: Cinderella BIGFOOT!
Stepsister 2: Are you still trying to be a ballet dancer like us?
Stepsister 1: With those feet you look more like a clown than a dancer.
Stepsister 1: Cinderella, bring me my coat! （Cinderella brings her coat. Her feet are so big that she trips.）
Stepsister 2: Cinderella, I am thirsty bring me some water. （Cinderella brings her water; she trips and spills the water. The two stepsisters laugh!！） You are so clumsy! （They exit）
Cinderella: （Crying） It’s not fair… Why do I have to have these terrible feet? Why can’t I be beautiful and graceful like my stupid stepsisters!
Mother: （Enters carrying an enormous shoe） Cinderella! You left you shoe in the middle of the street. I have told you many times… You cannot go around barefoot. Your shoe nearly caused a traffic accident.
Cinderella: But Mother those shoes don’t fit my feet. They hurt! I want to wear sneakers!
Mother: Nonsense. You are a young woman. And young women do not wear sneakers! These used to be your sister’s shoes.
Cinderella: But they are too small!
Mother: You should be happy that she gave them to you after I bought her a new pair.
Stepsister 1: （The two stepsisters rush in holding an invitation. They are excited） Whew! What is that smell?
Stepsister 2: It’s Cinderella again! （Both sisters hold their noses）
Stepsister 1: I almost forgot, the ball is today…
Stepsister2: （Interrupting） In the Kings Palace!
Stepsister 1: We will meet the prince! Have you ever seen his nose? It looks like a skyscraper.
Stepsister 2: Well he may not be handsome.
Stepsister 1 &2: but he is rich! （They laugh together）
Cinderella: I heard that the prince can smell a pizza from a mile away.
Mother: Let me look at that. （She grabs the invitation） Oh my goodness. It is today. We have a lot of work to do. Cinderella will help you get ready.
Cinderella: But, why can’t I go to the ball? I want to dance.
Mother: What with those feet? You have trouble enough walking. You might kill someone while you are dancing. It is not safe. Now girls please get ready. （Mother exits）
Stepsister 1: Hurry Cinderella… Where is my dress…？
Stepsister 2: And my dress? Bring me my shoes…！
Cinderella: Yes Yes… （She runs around while the stepsisters order her around… she has difficulty keeping her balance） It is not a difficult task. Your dresses are here!
Stepsister 1: Be careful Cinderella.
Stepsister 2: Your BIG feet are stepping on our dresses! （Cinderella dresses the 2 girls）
Mother: Now are you ready girls? Let’s go!
Stepsister 1: This is going to be so much fun!
Stepsister 2: We shall dance all night! （They exit）
Scene 2
Cinderella: （Looks depressed） Uhhhhh… Now what should I do. I can’t dance… I can barely even walk. I wish my feet would disappear （She places a blanket over her feet and she starts to cry. Fairy appears）
Fairy: Why are you crying dear child? Please don’t cry!
Cinderella: I cannot go to the Prince’s ball.
Fairy: But why not? You are not that ugly. Stand up.
Cinderella: No.
Fairy: Please stand up. I want to help you. （Cinderella stands. The Fairy is shocked by her feet） Oh My God!
Cinderella: （Starts to cry again）
Fairy: Oh, Don’t cry my dear. I want to help you.
Cinderella: But I don’t have an invitation.
Fairy: Well I can solve that! Zip Zap Zoo… （She waves her magic wand and Cinderella is suddenly wearing a beautiful dress）
Cinderella: It’s beautiful… （She is very happy… she looks down at her feet and becomes upset） But what about these?
Fairy: Hmmmm… I don’t think that I have any shoes that big… wait a moment… （She waves her wand and giant sneakers appear）
Cinderella: Sneakers… made of glass! （She does a quick dance… and falls down） Oops… Now, how will I get to the ball? I don’t have a carriage.
Fairy: Of course… （She waves her wand and nothing happens. She tries again and still nothing appears） Ahhh…Take the bus. （She hands Cinderella some change）
Cinderella: Thank you fairy godmother.
Fairy: One more thing. You must be home before midnight.
Cinderella: Sure, sure, bye （They exit）
Scene 3
Stepsister 1: Who is that funny looking girl?
Stepsister 2: She looks so familiar. （She approached Cinderella） Do we know each other?
Cinderella: （Becomes very nervous. She looks away and changes her voice） Ah, no I don’t think so. Please excuse me I have to go.
Stepsister 1: What a strange girl…
Prince: （Suddenly the prince, who has been standing alone picking his large nose, approaches the stepsisters） Wow… what a beautiful girl. Who is she? （The sisters shrug their shoulders. The Prince walks to Cinderella） Hello sexy… （He smells her.） You smell great! Wanna dance?
Cinderella: I would love to!
Prince: Ouch you stepped on my foot!
Cinderella: （The prince can barely walk） Maybe we better sit down for a moment. （Just then the clock strikes 12.） Oh my… I’ve got to go!
Prince: But who are you? （The prince shouts as he rubs his feet. Cinderella runs away. But she leaves behind one giant glass sneaker. He picks it up and smells it） I am going to find that girl!
Scene 4
Stepsister 1: （The two girls are doing their make-up as they look in the mirror, Cinderella is painting her toenails eavesdropping on their conversation） Have you heard the news? Remember that strange looking girl at the ball?
Stepsister 2: Yes…
Stepsister 1: Well the prince wants to marry her, but he doesn’t know who she is.
Stepsister 2: Then how can he marry her?
Stepsister 1: Well she left her shoe behind.
Stepsister 2: So the Prince will marry whatever woman the shoe fits? （Suddenly there is a knock at the door. It is the Prince. The girls bow as they meet him. Cinderella of course falls down because of her feet.）
Prince: （He walks in the room and gives a gigantic sniff.） Please ladies sit down. （He smells each of their feet before he tries to put the shoe on their foot. Cinderella watches from the corner）
Stepsister 1: It fits!
Prince: Not quite.
Stepsister 2: It’s mine!
Prince: Too big! （He puts his nose in the air and starts to smell. He sniffs all the way over to Cinderella’s feet）
Stepsister 1: But she wasn’t at the ball…
Stepsister 2: Yeah she wasn’t at the ball…
Prince: Please! （She slips it on）
Stepsister 1&2: It fits!
Prince: Will you marry me?
Cinderella: Only if you will marry me.
Prince: I will （He leans in a tries to give Cinderella a kiss, but his nose is too big. Finally he kisses her hand）
THE END
Scene II
SETTING: old lady B is at Old lady A’s home
AT RISE: Old lady A is cooking dumplings. Old lady B is knocking at the door.
B: Anyone home?
A: （Opens the door） What are you doing here?You must run away with the other nEighbors or you will be eaten by the monster.
B: I’m too hungry to run. Can you please give me something to eat?
A: All right, all right.
B: （Eating dumplings） Why don’t you run away like everyone else?
A: I want to kill the monster because it ate my husband and children.
B: But it is too difficult.
A: I don’t care.
B: Do you have any method to deal with it?
A: Um, I don’t know.
B: In order to thank you for giving me this food, I can teach you how to kill the monster.
A: Really?How?
B: Well, I know the monster is afraid of the color red and loud noise. So we can stick some red papers on the door and make loud noise to frighten it away.
A: So what are we waiting for?Let’s do it now.
B: You are right!It’s getting darker and darker outside.
Scene III
SETTNG: Outside A’s home.
AT RISE: The monster shows up in front of A’s home.
Monster: Ha!Ha!Ha!After one year of sleeping, I’m very hungry now. It’s time for me to eat a lot of people. Ha!Ha!Ha!It’s too bad that everybody runs away. Oh, there is a light in that house, there must be people in it. （Knocking on the door.） Anybody home? I won’t hurt you, just open the door. （When it sees the red paper on the door.） Oh, my god, it’s the color red, I’m afraid of it. Stay away from me.
AB: （Opens the door, and they are wearing red clothes） You bad monster. Now it’s your turn to feel afraid. （They beat drums and strike gongs.）
Monster: Oh, my god~ I can’t take it anymore. Please forgive me.
A: You ate all my family. How can I forgive you?
Monster: I’m sorry. I will do anything you say if you only let me go.
B: I think the monster feels very sorry now.
Monster: Yes, Yes, I ‘m so sorry.
A: Well, if you go away and never come back, I will forgive you.
B: Yes, and never eat people anymore.
Monster: Ok, I promise you I will never eat people and never come here again. （They stop beating drums and striking gongs. The monster runs away and never comes back anymore.）
Scene IV
SETTING: In the village.
AT RISE: A、B、C、D、E are talking.
C: How did you do it?
A: B told me the monster is afraid of the color red and loud noises.
D: Wow!How do you know this?（To B）
B: Actually, I’m a fairy. I’m here to help you fight the monster.
E: Oh, thank you. You really did us a big favor.
B: You're welcome. Now you don’t have to be afraid of this monster anymore. （Everyone is happy and clapping thEir hands.）
THE DNE
領銜主演： M: 豬媽媽 P1: 豬哥哥 P2: 豬二哥 P3: 豬弟弟 W: 老狼
主要演員： B1:小鳥1 B2: 小鳥2 旁白
故事內容：
旁白：Long long ago, there were three little pigs with their mother. They were very happy and they were very kind to their friends. Look! They are coming!
（情景一：豬媽媽和三隻小豬以及朋友們在森林裏快樂的'玩耍）（加快樂的音樂）（小鳥飛的音樂）
B1: Hello! Nice to meet you!
B2: Nice to meet you, too.
B1: It is a nice morning.
B2: Yes, it is! （豬媽媽和孩子出現）
M: Come on, babies!
Pp: We’re coming!
M: Are you happy today?
Pp: Yes.
M: Do you want to dance?
Pp: Yes. Music!（音樂響，豬媽媽和小豬一起跳舞）
P1: Mom, look! We’re so strong! （伸出胳膊，亮出肌肉，三個小豬比健美）
P2: Yes, I am strong.
P3: No. I am strong!
M: Yes! Yes! My babies! I think you should have your own house!
Pp: OK! I ’d love to.
M : You can do it!
Pp: Yes! We can! Yeah! （做成功的動作）
旁白：The three little pigs make three houses. The first pig built his house with some straw. The second pig built his house with some sticks. The third pig built his house with some bricks. They all think their own house is best! But the wolf is coming! He is very hungry! （音樂）
W: Gu, gu, gu gu gu. I’m very hungry. Oh, I sniff the pig’s smell. Aha! I have a good idea ！ （來到第一隻小豬的門前敲們） Little pig, little pig ， let me come in!
P1: No! No! Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.
W :Then I ’ll huff and I ’ll puff ，and I ’ll blow your house down.
（吹一下，房子倒了，小豬突然發現，嚇了一下，逃跑）
P1: Oh! Help! Help! My brother! Please help me! （迅速進入第二隻小豬家，馬上關門）
P1: Close the door! （堵着門）
P2: What’s the matter? Don’t be afraid!
P1: A wolf. A big bad wolf.
W: Little pigs, little pigs, let me come in ！
P1p2: No! No! Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.
W: Then I ’ll I ’ll huff and I ’ll puff ，and I ’ll blow your house down.
（狼鼓足氣吹一下，房子有點搖晃，又吹三下，兩隻小豬堵着門，掙扎之後，房子倒了）
（掙扎快跑）
P1p2: Oh ， my god ！Let’s run away, run away ！ （跑到第三個小豬家的牀底下哆嗦）
P1: The wolf is very strong!
P2: He wants to eat us!
P3: My god, help me! （三隻小豬都在牀底下）
W: Little pigs, little pigs. Let me come in!
P1P2P3: No! Not by the hair on our chinny chin chins.
W : Open the door! I can get the house down! （吹三下，沒動，鼓足又吹三下，遲疑了一下） Why ？ （最後吹三下，開始喘氣了，然後倒地）
P1p3p2 : Yeah ！ We are safe! （歌曲幸福歌）
旁白：The wolf is very angry ！ He has a good idea! He climbs the chimney! The birds tell the three little pigs!
B1B2: My friends! Look at the chimney! （狼爬上了煙囱）
P1: How to do? What shall we do?（開始轉着跑）
P2: Mom!Where are you? （哭着説）
P3: Don’t worry! I know, let’s see if we can blow the big bad wolf.
P1p2p3: OK ， 123…
W : Help! No!
P1p2p3: The wolf is running! We are succeed! Yeah!
M: My babies. You are good boys. How clever you are! （結尾曲。）
旁白：The big bad wolf was blown far away and he was so frightened of the three little pigs, he never came back. As for the three pigs, they lived happily ever after in their house made of bricks.
----音樂起， 旁白：A long time ago, there was a queen. She had a pretty daughter named Snow White. Soon after the child was born, the queen died. The queen married another queen. The stepmother didn’t like her very made Snow White do the housework all day and all night.
----白雪出場（ 掃地，做清潔。）
白雪：My name is Snow White ， I am a beautiful princess, I miss my mother so much, Where is my mother? Where is my mother?
----音樂起，皇后出場
皇后：I’m the new queen. I’m very beautiful. you see. If anyone is more beautiful than me, I’ll kill her. I have a magic mirror. If I want to know something, It will tell me. Now, mirror, mirror, come here!
魔鏡：Yes, I’m coming. What do you want to know?
皇后：Mirror, mirror, on the is the most beautiful?
魔鏡：You are beautiful, I there is a young lady. She is as white as snow, as red as is much more beautiful than you.
皇后：She is much more beautiful than me?Who is she? Tell me quickly.
魔鏡：Yes. She is Snow White.
皇后：Snow White? No, I’m the most beautiful in the world. Oh, hunter,come here, come here!
獵人：Yes. I’m here now.
皇后：Hunter! Take Snow White far away to pick some a place and kill her.
獵人：But she is the princess. …
皇后：No, Kill her. Bring her heart to me. I don’t want to see her again.
獵人：Yes!
皇后：Here is a box. You must put her heart in it and bring it to me.
獵人：Yes!
----音樂起
白雪：（ 高興地摘花 ） One flower,two flowers,three flowers… How many flowers! How beautiful!
獵人：（ 慢慢地拔出刀，但猶豫着説 ） Oh! My God! She is so lovely and pretty! I can’t! I can’t kill her!
白雪：（ 看到後大聲哭叫）What are you doing? What’s the matter? Why do you kill me?
獵人： I’m very sorry. Someone wants me to kill you.
白雪：But who?
獵人：The queen.
白雪： But why?
獵人：You are more beautiful than her. So she wants to kill you.
白雪：My dear hunter. Don’t kill me. I will runfar away and never come back again.
獵人：Ok. Run away, the poor child.
白雪：Thank you, my dear hunter.
旁白：At this time, a young bear was running by. The hunter shot2 it and took the heart to the queen. Snow White began to run into the wild forest until it was almost evening. She saw a little house.
白雪：Oh, my God! The queen can’t find me now, I think. How I am tired! How I want to have a rest! Ah, here is a house, there are seven small beds. They must be the beds of seven children. Oh, how I want to sleep!
旁白：When it was dark, the owners of the house came back. They were seven dwarfs. They were looking for gold in the mountain.
①老學究：Look, the lamp in our house is on!
②開心果：Who is it?
③噴嚏精：Maybe it’s the ghost!
④瞌睡蟲：Let’s go into our house quietly.
⑤害羞鬼：Oh, someone has cleaned our house.
⑥老頑固：Maybe it’s the witch3.
⑦手拿燭光照到白雪的臉。 ①~⑦他們都驚叫起來
老學究：What a lovely child!
開心果：How beautiful!
噴嚏精：Who is she?
瞌睡蟲：Don’t wake her up.
害羞鬼：Why is she coming here?
老頑固：Kill her.
白雪： （ 醒來 ） What a nice sleep! Oh, who are you? Oh, I know. You are senven dwarfs.
七矮人：（齊説） Yes,But why are you in our house?
白雪：The queen wants to kill me. So I ran to your house. Don’t drive me away. Let me stay with you.
老學究：If you look after our house.
開心果：If you do some cooking for us.
噴嚏精：If you make the beds for us.
瞌睡蟲：If you do some washing, you can stay with us.
害羞鬼：But you must be careful.
老頑固：Don’t go out. Don’t let anyone come in. Your stepmother will find you and kill you.
白雪：I know. I know. Thank you.
旁白：From then on, Snow White kept the house.
On the other hand, when the bad queen ate the heart, she took out the mirror and asked.
皇后：Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the most beautiful?
魔鏡： You are beautiful. But Snow White is still alive and well. She lives with the seven dwarfs. No one is more beautiful than she.
皇后：What? Snow White is not dead?……Haha,I got a good idear.
旁白：The queen made a poisonous apple and dressed herself like an old woman. She came to the house 。
皇后：Good things to sell. Pretty apples to sell. Cheap. Very cheap.
白雪：Hi, good day, my good grandmother.
皇后：Apples. Very delicious apples! Could you have a taste. This one, please!
白雪：OK! Thank you! （ 咬了一小口，死了 ）
皇后：Hahaha…Now I’m the most beautiful in the world.
旁白：When the seven dwarfs came from work. They were greatly surprised to see Snow White dead
七矮人：What’s the matter?
老學究：Snow White is dead.
七矮人：Oh, my God! Who did it? It must be the bad queen. （哭着揀一些花放在白雪身上）
旁白：Although Snow White had been dead a long, long time. She looked as if she was living. She looked as white as snow, as red as rose. One day, it happened a prince came to the seven dwarfs’ house. When he saw Snow White, he fell in love with her.
王子：Please, let me have Snow White. I love her. I want her to be my wife.
七矮人：Ok! Carry Snow White with you to your palace. Be kind to her,please.
王子：Yes, I will.I will love her forever!（ 吻白雪手）
旁白：As soon as the prince kissed Snow White, Snow White came to her life
白雪：Oh, my god! Where am I? What happened?
王子：You are with me, my dear. I love you. I love you more than everything in the world. Please be my queen, will you?
白雪：Yes, I will, my dear!
七矮人：Oh! Congratulations4! Congratulations!
----音樂起，旁白：The prince took Snow White to the palace. Their wedding was held with great show
白雪：Good Bye!
七矮人：Bye-bye! May you Happy Forever!
白雪、王子：Thank you later.
（謝幕）
演員： P: Pirate-Grandson. M: Mother.
F: Father. K: King -Grandpa.
旁白： There are 4 members in a family, Pirate, a 7-year-old naughty boy. His mummy is a beautiful white-collar worker. His dad, Andy Lau is a famous singer, and his dear grandpa, King is a kindly old man. Pirate loves his grandpa most, because King is very spoiling him. He hates his parents. Frankly speaking, he is afraid of them, Because they are very strict with him. 。
正劇：（P,K出場）
P: Old King, Open the TV, I want to see Tom and Jerry. I love that mouse. Quick! No time! I can’t wait another second.
K: Oh dear! I nearly forget it. Don’t worry, I open it right now. （作開電視狀）
P: Ha Ha! It’s really funny! Tom is so good! （作高興狀）
Oh no! "The End!" Where is Tom? I hate the end! （摔電視機，作極度氣憤狀） Old King!？ （對K吼）
K:Oh, what a pity dog! （作左顧右盼狀） Your parents are not here ，and we can change another one ，our brave Pirate, just tell me. I’m sure your demand will be satisfied. （作充滿自信狀）
P:Really! OK! Now, let’s watch Caribbean Pirates!
K: Humm, No, it’s unfit for you…… （作猶豫狀）
P: I just like this film, Old King, you tell lies. You don’t keep your promise.（作氣憤欲泣狀）
K; Oh yes, I play it for you. （作為難狀） But please be quite, I’m afraid your parents wound not like us doing these.
P: Don’t tell so much! I have been an adult man of 7 years old. I promise it to you. （作自豪自信狀）
K:OK. （作舒心，安慰狀）
P: Fight him, kill him. Throw these bad guys into the sea…… （高聲喊）
K: Xu …… （作禁聲狀）。 Remember your promise, young adult man.
P: Oh? What promise? I have forgotten it. （作天經地義狀）
K: Oh?！ You are right（作理解狀，因為Pirate一貫如此，出爾反爾）
P: Old King. I give you an honorable mission. （作自豪狀） Be my horse, and I will ride on your back ， let’s help these people in dangerous situation, just like a brave knight.（作勇敢狀）
K: What! Ride on my back! Be your horse!！（作驚異狀）
P: Yes, your hearing is very good, any question? （作若無其事狀）
K: No, No, sound a good idea! Very good! You are a brave Pirate. Now come on my back. （作無奈狀）
P: （作高興狀，作躍上馬背狀） Hei! Let’s go! Kill all those bad men. Quick! Run quick! …… （意氣風發狀）
（M,F攜手進場）：
P: Oh, my god! Mummy, Daddy! （A,D作慌忙狀，擋在電視機前）
M: Dad, what are you doing!？ Naughty Pirate, isn’t your trick!？ （作氣憤狀）
P:（作陽痿狀） Mummy, it’s not my fault. Old king let me massage his back. Hei Hei （作心虛狀，以掩飾內心的恐懼）
M: I don’t believe it. （作嚴肅狀） Dad, isn’t really that? （詢問K）
K: Yes, of course, I can’t image a child only 5 year old, can massage so good. Oh…… （釋然狀，因為圓了我的謊）
M: Really. I don’t believe the litter pirate can massage, who taught him. （作懷疑狀） Dear, isn’t you ？
F: No, I haven’t, but I decide to enjoy his massage another day, Do you think so, dear?
M: Yes, really a good suggestion.
（P,D作驚恐狀。A:發抖，D:揮汗）
（P擋着電視怕被M、F發現，K也為P作掩飾）
P: Mummy, Do you feel a little cold?
K: Yes, I can feel it. （邊揮汗邊説冷）
M: No, it’s summer. Really hot, do you catch cold?
P: No, No, just my feeling. （更加發抖，一不小心被B看到了電視）
M: Pirate, what’s behind you? （疑問狀）
P: Oh, nothing, nothing! （作驚恐狀）
M: Move away 。little Pirate! （作氣憤狀）
P: Oh no! The storm will come. （捂臉作害怕狀）
M: Caribbean Pirate! What’s a bad film! Little Pirate!？ （氣憤狀）
P: Mummy, I surrender. （作投降狀）
M: Daddy ，this film is unfit for him ， it is full of killing,force and negative passion, and it will let him become bad ！
K: I know that, but I meat to let him watch Tom and Jerry and he like it very much. Yes? Pirate? （想轉移話題與Pirate站在同一戰線）
P: Yes, a very clever mouse and a stupid cat. （作博學狀）
M: Dad, don’t let him watch so much TV, it wastes a lot of time, and it is bad for his eyesight. He may become short-sighted. （誠懇狀）
旁白：It was war periods time, the war among different countries seemed endless. Every kings or ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it was becoming a fashion to feed some good men at home……
This is a crazy world. In the crazy world, there are the crazy people, trying to show the crazy history by the crazy way.
第一幕：Conspire（密謀）
太子丹（上，歎氣）：Ying Zheng,that bad guy,treats me even worse than to lots of persons in his hand,he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the ，he has got much more cities from my can I live if these things happen again（急）。 Hey!！ I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am.（向幕裏大叫）Where is my minister? （大臣阿三上）Indeed, tell me what shall we do now?
阿三：（畢恭畢敬）Just keep calm,please!Let me see!（盤坐在地。兩手在頭上畫畫如一休）（旁外音：噹噹噹，砰！！）（阿三起）Ok,I get one,we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作殺狀）Then, all the beauties,jewelries and cities in Qing is ours~~~ （淫笑）太子與阿三作流口水狀。
太子：Ha, ha~~~。 Good idea,Good idea!But do you think who we can sent?
阿三：I have thought about it, we can send Xi Men Chui Xue 。He is traveling in our country these days. I think we can’t lose the chance. We must employ him quickly.
太子：Well, deal with the things as soon as possible.
第二幕：tournament （比武）
西門吹雪（上台，擺出一幅酷式，手一張，一條紙帶隨風而下）
西 門 吹 雪
（Xi Men Chui Xue）
身高：190cm
Height: 190cm 最愛乾的事情：聊qq
Favorite doing: chatting
戰鬥力：無限
War power: endless 最愛的顏色：黑色
Favorite color: black
武器：長劍
Weaponry: long sword 最愛喝的飲料：啤酒
Favorite drinks: beer
血型：O
Type of blood: O 最崇拜的。人：小燕子，毛澤東
Favorite idol: Xiao Yanzi Mao Zedong
Today I came here for the fighting, who is the unwanted-life guy. Stand out.
荊軻（抖嗦而上）站在一邊，不敢出大氣。
旁白：Competition begins.
荊軻（帶劍衝向西門吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue?
西門吹雪：Just come on.
荊軻：（又衝，停在西門吹雪面前）Are you sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the story?
西門吹雪：（不耐煩）what a boring man! How dare you ask me such a stupid question?
荊軻（環視四周見無一人，便跪在西門吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, I admire you just like the yellow river, never endless. I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please don’t kill me. Give me the life, please!
西門吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. （舉劍刺向荊軻，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自語） Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. （抬頭） where is the toilet?
荊軻：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西門吹雪：WC.
荊軻：W-C-?
西門吹雪：（急）茅廁！！Are you happy to hear such rude words?
荊軻：I know, I know. Turn left, left and left.
西門吹雪下。
太子丹與阿三上，看見荊軻，大吃一驚，太子丹給阿三一個眼色，阿三會意。走至荊軻前。
阿三： What’s your name, please? Hero.
荊軻不屑一顧。
太子丹（畢恭畢敬）May I have your name, please?
荊軻從兜裏掏出一卷紙，上面寫着：
寧 在 花 下 死， 作 鬼 也 風 流。
Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost.
——快活魔王荊軻是也
Happy prince of the gost
太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do
荊柯：How do you do.
荊柯突欲走，太子丹給阿三一個眼色。
阿三：Hero, wait for a moment. I have a problem which needs your help.
太子丹：You can gain a lot of things.
荊柯欲走又止。
太子丹（從衣兜裏掏出一張卡片）： Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.
荊柯正準備拿，但馬上又止，轉身又欲走
太子丹（慌了）：I must use the last way. Ladies and gentlemen. This is Miss Huang!
旁白："大世界"響起
有一妖豔女子走上（男扮女裝），走到荊柯面前，給荊柯拋了一個眉眼。荊柯兩眼發直。
太子丹與阿三（擊掌）Yeah!
荊柯（站直，厲聲道）：Great man, both born and die for his motherland. I am not the guy who just wants money and beauty. What shall I do? Prince, just say it out. But this lady……
太子丹：No problem.
第三幕：Say goodbye in Yishui River（易水別）
荊珂挽着那女子，太子丹在後，阿三一手拿着地圖，一手拿着人頭上。
阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.
荊珂：Please just stop here. Goodbye.
太子丹：Hero, Let me see you off a little further
荊珂：What a boring guy. If you walk a little further, then you will go to Qin instead of me
太子丹：Well. Goodbye. Hero. Here is the map and the head of Fan Yuqi, so as to get trust of the king
荊珂（接過頭，扔在一邊。太子丹，阿三下，荊珂猛抱住妻子）：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill Yingzheng 。 I can’t help rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.
妻子：Don’t worry. Do you still love me?
荊珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world. You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.
妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. You should not make me sad Stand up like a man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting for you.
荊珂：You must wait for me.
妻子努力擠出幾滴眼淚，
旁白："I will be right here waiting for you" 響起
荊珂上船，漸漸遠去，（歌落）
妻子：Hey! You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought about you will no use. Go to your doom. Never come back. （下）
第四幕：murdering （刺秦）。
一大臣跑在前，一大臣緊隨其後，跑了一圈，便上氣不接下氣。
大臣甲（掏出手機一看）：Hey, bad luck. I am late. The bonus of this month has been lost.
大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.
大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good. Good. Your skin is fine.
大臣甲：I use " Da Bao" everyday.
大臣乙：I have heart the emperor of Yan again give our king some good things. Be quick, to have a look.
大臣甲：Come on
秦王上座，兩個大臣各坐一邊。
衞兵丙："Can we begin?"
秦王"begin"
衞兵丙："Let the people of Yan, Jingke come in"
荊柯上。跪下，嚇得直髮抖。
秦王："Jingke. What’s wrong with you?"
荊柯："Nothing. Nothing. May be there are lots of fleas on my body "。
秦王（不煩）：What’s the good things, quickly!"
荊柯獻圖，圖窮匕首見，荊柯舉刀刺秦，（旁白：Go Go Go Only Only響起）秦王摔倒，轉身逃跑，其他人抱頭趴在地上。
兩個人圍着大臣兜圈，過了一會兒……
大臣甲喊道："Mr King, drink the milk quickly!"扔了一奶壺，秦王接住，咂了一下，頓時，力大無比，立刻將荊柯打倒在地。
秦王：Super rubbish, how dare you kill me?
荊柯：I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to. Please forgive me!
秦王：You will never live again. What would you like to say?
荊柯：My lovely lady, Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ，but I didn't cherish it. Only after losing it 。I found myself regretting. No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl "I love you! "If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it would be ten thousand years.
秦王（吼道）：Soldiers carry out and put the pig head on the wall!！
第五幕：Escape（逃跑）
二個衞兵拖着荊柯上，（手腳以被綁）將荊柯扔到一邊。二人氣喘吁吁，甲搜身。
衞兵甲：Bad luck. He has no money.
衞兵乙：Money?？ You are joking! I have searched all his body, just two socks.
衞兵甲：What?？ Two socks?
衞兵乙：Nothing. Nothing. （回頭）Too dangerous.
衞兵甲：Put the socks out.
衞兵乙L極不情願，拿出了一雙大小不一的襪子
衞兵甲看了看，比了比。將長的裝進了自己兜裏，短的扔給了衞兵乙。
衞兵乙：Too brazen. （兩人互看）Oh,’s fair.
荊柯（抬起頭）：I will give you much more money if you set me free.
二衞兵：Really? Where is the money?
荊柯指了指腳上的繩子。二衞兵會意，解開了繩子。
荊柯（站起來）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it,you will get lots of money.
二衞兵：Oh,please tell it to us!
荊柯：You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only the king recognizes me but he won’t watch my death. So no one will find out the secret.
二衞兵：Good idea!！（豎指）
荊柯去一邊的樹林裏，拿出兩袋錢，扔給二衞兵便大步而去。二衞兵正指着錢，忽衞兵丙推自行車上。
二衞兵（雙目相視，大笑，同聲）：Good!！
兩人一把抓住騎車人，只往下拉，車子扔在地上。
衞兵丙：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh,no no!！ Have I crime?
二衞兵（異口同聲）：Maybe.大笑。（Yesterday once more 起）
------------落幕------------
演員表：
西門吹雪
葉孤城
花滿樓
king
旁白
道具：牛奶兩袋，匕首一把，戒子一枚，紙屑若干。
第一幕：決戰紫荊城之顛
旁白：A quiet villageiscoveredwithwhitesnow 。
Birdsaredancinginthecold 。
Amaniswalkingalongthestreet ，stepbystep 。
Windiscominginsilence.
Another mysteriousmanapproaches 。
Y與X相遇。
X:oH ，Iamsorrytoknockyou ！
Y:Haha, Nevermindbaybay.
X:Excuseme, whoareyouonearth? couldyoutellmeyourname?
Y:ha ha ，Iwon’tchangemyname! nomatterwhathappens. I’mthemostfamous-------YeGucheng. Whoareyou?
X:Iamximenchuixue.
Y驚訝：Ar, ximenchui xue?
X:Yes,whatiswrong?
Y:IheardthatyouarethebestingMartialArts?
X:Great, youknowme ！
Y抱腿：Please, please…… Don’tkillme! letmeyougo!
X:No, Imustkillyou ！
Y:Idon''''''''''''''''eare aeighty-year-oldmotheandathree-yearold sontobelookedafterbyme!
X:Noway! Becausewearefightingnow!youknow?
Y突然站起冷冷的説：Don''''''''''''''''t forceme!
X:Pardon!
（Y拿出一袋牛奶）
X搶過牛奶：milk, verygood! Ilikedrinkingit. howdoyouknowthat?
Y:pleasedrinkit!
X喝完牛奶：Thanks, ha,ha
Y:Doyoustillwanttokillme?
X:Sure, must! milkismilk.
Y（惱怒+冷酷）：Verygood! verygood! Ihopeyouwillnotforgetwhatyousaid!？
X:I’msureIwon’t!
Y:Imustgiveyoualesson!IfIdon''''''''''''''''tbeatyourthistime, you’llneverbehaveproperly!3-2-1-0!
X捂着肚子，蹲下：Oach,Oach ！
Y大笑：HaHa……
X可憐狀： help! help! Whereisthewashroom?
Y:What ？
X:Toliet?
Y:What ？
X:The "WC"？
Y:Oh,I see ，goalongthisstreetandturnrightwhenyouseeacorssingroad!
X:Thanks,byebye.
Y掏出紙屑吹：Thisisgenuirnesnow!
H:Stop!Protectingtheenvironmentisabasicobligation!
Y:Whoareyou?
H:Hua---man----lou! Haveyouseenximenchuixue?
Y:Yes, hewasbeatenbymeandisin"WC" now,ha……
H驚訝：Nowyouarethebestintheworld!
Y:Youareright!
H:Teriffic!youaretheonemykinglookingfor! doyouwantjoininus?
Y:Yes,It’sverygood.
H:Ok, followme, Let’sgotoseemyking!
Y:Ok,Let’s go!
第二幕：無間道
H:Mydearest ！ letmeintroduce yeguchengtoyou! （指Y） thisisyegucheng.
K:sitdownplese, yegucheng.
H走到Y前，《婚禮進行曲》起，H神甫狀：Yegucheng! Doyouwanttofollowmykingnomatterwhathappenssuchascold headache,sair and aids?
Y: Yes,Ido.
K: Huamanlou, come 。 puttheringonhisfinger!（音樂停）
X唱着上：Onlyyou……（看到戒子） thisringshouldbemine!
K:Butwhoareyou? whyshoulditbelongyou?
Y急切： king! dearking!Imustgonow,mybrotherislookingforme!huoxi（維語再見）
K:huoxi? Whatdoesthatmean? ItisnotEnglish, isn’t it ？
Y:How clever……
X冷酷：yegucheng! comehere!Iwanttotellyousomething!
Y抱X的腿：oldbrother ！ Forgiveme!
X:Forgiveme? Why?
Y: Oncetherewasachangebeforeme,Ilostit. Ifthegodgivemeantherchance, I’lltellyou"I love you"，Iftheremustbea limited period,Ihopeitisthousandyear!
X:Youshall cheat me!all you did are wrong!how can youtell thelady’s"WC"！
Y:Ilikegoinglady’s WC 。I……I……IthinkthatyoulikewhatIlike.（Y又拿出一袋牛奶）
X: m-i-l-k?haha, ayixidailu!（我愛你的意思）
K: ayixidailu?What’sthemeaning? whyIalsocan’tunderstandyou?
X:Youarestupid! Itmeans"I love you"。
K:Don’t saythat"you love me"。 I’llkillyouforyousayingdirtywordtome!
X:What? （側耳裝着聽不到） You---kill----me?come, come…（X上去抓住K）
K:Fuckyou. Imustkillyou!
X:Howcanyoukillme? haha……
Y:Letmehaveatry! 3-2-1-0（X捂着肚子，蹲下）
K: thankyouverymuch, yousaveme. Now, I’llgiveyoutheticketforAmericantoletyou
haveavacation.
Y:That’s good. butthereisonemorething. canyougivemea MM ？IwanttogoAmericanwithher.
K:retheonewhohasthesimilartastewithme! Hahaha……小品劇本大全
Y:Hahaha-----
H:Where’ssomewhere?
K:What?
Y:Doyouwanttogolady’s"WC"？
X:Yes,I……I…… do.
H頂着搖頭：X,no, no, youcan’tgotoLady’s "WC"。 Thatisnottheplacewhereyoucangointo ！ becauseyouareX ！ youarethe bestmanofChinesekongfu!
X: whatifI’mthebestintheword? ！whyItrymybesttolivebutI’mstillsomiserable ？ whencanIgetmyfreedom? mustbethedeadday ？ ！
K: youareright. onewillnotbecleveruntilthedayhedie. Inthatcase ，whywill you die in such a bad sorrow way ！gointo theLady’s WC ， thendie ， comfortablly ！ goahead ！
H: you ， stupid ， bad behavior ！ goaway ！
K; why ？ whydoyouhelphim ！ whoacturallyareyou ？
H: myreal name isLuXiaofeng------the wifeofX 。I’maspy.
K驚訝： ！you---you---YouareLuXiaofeng ？ X’wife ？
Y: Ihavealreadyrecognizedyou 。 atricker ！ doyouknow, youarethefirst person who cheated me ！ because of you ，Ideeide never believe anyone else ，including myself 。you have destroyed my looking for you for many years ，just for today ！ （輕聲説）Xwilldie ，goandseehim ，please 。
H撲倒在X的身邊：X,do’t die ，you should be alive ，there are much hope inthe fature and tomorrow is a goodbeginning ！
K:what amoving story ！I was impressed ！
Y:life is a progress ，but it is depressed that it can not resume ！
H: life isa progress ，and it is delight that itneedn’t resume ！
（H忽然將一把匕首插進Y的心臟，K嚇跑。音樂《再見，警察》起）
Y痛苦狀：don’tleave me here ， you know I love you and I have nothing except you now ，please notabandon me ！realizethat I’m wrong 。help me,I intend to be back ，helpme ，I keyyou ，beg you------help me 。 I’ll never dothat again ！（Y死，音樂停）
（X咳，H撲到身邊，電影《我的父親母親》原聲音樂起）
H: X ， oh ， no ，you can’t die ，we will go home together 。
X:gohome ！ ？
H:Tomorrow is another day ！evenyou have thelast secondto live,youshould be alive ，not only for me ， but for ourlove ！
X:doyouwant melivealifeinsuchasorrow way ？ ok ， ok ， Ipromise I willbealive for you 。but ！youknow, Ihavenot timeleft ，but you have ，promisethatyou will be happy everyday ！Youmustdome this honor… promise meyou will survive… that youwillnevergiveup… nomatter what happens… no matter howhopeless… promise me now ，andnever let go of that promise.
H: I promise 。
X:Never let go 。
H:Ipromise 。 Iwill never let go ，
X.I''''''''ll never letgo.（X死）
H:be alive ！yeah ， bealive ！ bealivewithout ahendance ！lifecanbechanceliketimecangotoback 。 thereisbeatifulsnowbutinsping ， solifecancomefromthebeginning ！ （H自刎，艱難的爬到X身邊死。音樂停。）
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